Still Alive - A Novel

I did a thing.

I decided to "publish" my new book via blog.  I may or may not still pursue agent representation / real publication, but for now this is what I want to do :-)

I'll be publishing each chapter weekly (Mondays) here.  Hopefully that'll give me time to get the next book written and keep the ball rolling, but only time will tell!

Happy reading!

A New Experience

I am not a fan of pregnancy.  Don’t get me wrong, I adore my pregnant belly, and obviously love the end result.  But pregnancy itself?  It’s for the birds.  ...Well, maybe not for the birds, but it’s definitely not on my list of favorite past times.  

The reason for my loathing of the gestational period is summed up in two words (nine syllables): Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  For those who don’t know what that is… Think of the most ‘comical’ movie/tv scene you can think of where a pregnant woman is just sick to her stomach… now multiply that by about 30, add some severe pain throughout the abdomen and trachea (you know, from all the vomiting), and you’re getting close.  And it lasts the whole. time.  For me, anyway.  

Of course, it doesn’t help that - on top of being so sick - I felt very alone for all three of my previous pregnancies (Especially the last two… that was a bitch). It’s hard to hang on to optimism when you feel like shit and feel all but alone in the world.  

But this time… this time it’s different.  This time, I’m not alone... not in any sense of the word.  This time, I have my R.  

Never before has anyone looked at me the way he does - with awe and joy and reverence.  Never before has my partner enjoyed, cherished, and all but worshiped my pregnant body, and the fact that I am carrying his baby.  Never before have I felt - truly felt - that my sickness was a precursor to a blessing that my partner was excited for, rather than an inconvenience to him.  

Well, “never before” has become “every day.”

Not a day goes by that I don’t catch him admiring the curve of my belly as it swells with his child.  Not a day goes by that he doesn’t tell me how beautiful, wonderful, and amazing I am.  Every single day, he goes above and beyond to not just “take care of things”, but to show me - truly show me - how much he loves me, and how excited he is that we are bringing this little life into the world.

And it is amazing.

This will very likely be my last pregnancy, but I’m so, so glad that I got to experience at least one with my soul mate.  

I love you, R.  You are already such a great father, and you have stepped up in ways you should never have had to. I cannot wait to... well, I just can't wait.

Mother

I forgive you.