Children are like Crystals

In my house there is a rule: no yelling at each other.  I *despise* yelling.  I hate it with all of my being.  I am a peace-loving person, and the thought of my loved ones being at each others' throats makes me feel quite ill.  There is enough violence and hatred in the world today; I don't want it to be in my home, as well.

And yet, I do yell.  Not at my daughter K, not at J, not at any person, and not constantly.  But it *does* happen.  The only time it *does* happen is when my dogs (I have four) start getting rambunctious, or loud, or when they pee on the floor (fortunately they're all almost completely housebroken! haha).  That's the only time, and I'm strict about keeping it that way.

I've been feeling pretty proud of myself for that.  I mean, after all, I'm a full-time mom, a piano teacher from 3-7 *on top* of being a mom, a housekeeper, a landlord, and I'm raising four *young* dogs.  The fact that I only yell when the dogs misbehave (and even then, it isn't often) has had me feeling pretty good about myself!  I mean, I never yell at my boyfriend.  We never yell at K.  So I must be a pretty good mom, right??

Then this morning I had a bit of an epiphany.  I'm not a bad mom, or anything, but I *definitely* have room for improvement.  Just because I'm not yelling at K doesn't mean that when I *do* yell it doesn't affect her.

"Wake up, Amber!" I told myself.  "You're a certified Energy Therapist!  You deal with good and negative energy all the time!  You know the influence it can have on people, even if only in passing!"  Wow, was that a wake-up call.  I may not yell *often*, and I may never yell at K, but I know good and well that when I *do* yell, each and every time K looks up at me with sad eyes and softly says, "Mamma..." and it breaks my heart *every* *single* *time*.  You'd think that would be enough of an indicator that my yelling *does* affect her, however rare and brief it may be.  But I'm human, and can also be very hard-headed from time to time, I'm afraid.

Then I thought about the crystals experiment.  For those who don't know what that is, I've included one of the many pictures.  To the right (at least, to the right on here, it could change on the actual blog, haha) is an image of five water crystals, each of which having had piece of paper with something written on it taped to it (or said to it, or whatever).  Isn't it amazing how the positive words made for gorgeous crystals, while the negative words (or lack of positivity) caused them to be ugly and unattractive?  That's because energy has a PROFOUND effect on every living thing.  Children are NO exception.

I told myself then and there to remember two very important things: 1, dogs are like children.  They need love, acceptance, and *patience* in raising them.  They will make mistakes, but rather than punish them, they need to be taught just as I would teach my daughter.  2, children are like crystals.  We may not realize the messages we are sending them, or the behaviors we are teaching them, especially when it is done in passing (such as my yelling at the dogs from time to time).  But the words we say - even to other people! - DO effect them!  If we surround them with love, kind words, patience, and all other good things, they will grow up to be beautiful, kind people, inside and out.  I'd rather not think about what they could become when surrounded by negativity...

I made myself a promise today, that I would only surround Keira with GOOD things.  That we would live in harmony, even if that means holding my breath when I'm angry with the dogs, rather than yelling at them (that's a joke, I hope you find the humor lol).  I want to someday be able to look at the beautiful person my daughter has become and know that, at least on some level, I'm part of the reason she is such a wonderful person.

Personal Miracles

Today I received a small (albeit huge to me!) personal miracle.

For quite some time I have been struggling with my self image.  Not who I am as a person (I feel quite good about that aspect of myself), but rather how I *look*.  I have been struggling with my weight and every time I look in the mirror I have felt so unattractive.  It has, at points, brought me to tears.  Despite my constant struggle (and almost-diligence lol) to eat healthy and exercise, I have not been able to lose the weight.  So I did what I figured was the only thing I *could* do: I turned it over to God.

At first I lost a few pounds, which was amazing to me, but the change was subtle at best.  In my eyes, I was still so very unattractive.  And after those first few pounds, I stopped losing weight! I was so confused.  I had turned it over to God, hadn't I? I was still eating healthy, and I was exercising every day... why wasn't I losing weight??

Then, this morning, there was a change in me: I looked in the mirror and, for the first time in **months**, I thought I looked truly sexy.  Not "I'm-wearing-makeup-so-of-course-I'm-beautiful" sexy, but actually *sexy*!  For the first time in I don't know how long, rather than seeing a pudgy stomach, I saw fantastic curves.  Rather than seeing a chest that I thought had been ruined by pregnancy, I saw beauty!  Rather than seeing huge, thick thighs, I saw shapely legs (and a great ass, if I do say so myself lol).  For the first time in what feels like **forever**, I saw **beauty** in my body.  I looked - and felt! - attractive!  And I hadn't even done my hair yet!

When I turned my situation over to God, I expected Him to help me lose weight, and then I was frustrated when it wasn't happening the way that I wanted it to!  But he had a different agenda; rather than changing the image the mirror saw, he changed how that image looked to *me*!  He gave me my self-esteem back, which I will take over losing weight ANY DAY!

This past year has been tumultuous and stressful, and the added stress of low self-esteem has certainly not helped that.  But it has also been one of the most fulfilling years of my life, and this seems to be the cherry on top.  So I declare THANK YOU!! Thank you, God, for changing ME!! For changing how I look, how I act, how I dress, what I want, what I need... Thank you for it ALL!! I know I still have light-years to go, but THANK YOU for being with me EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!!!