Personal Miracles

Today I received a small (albeit huge to me!) personal miracle.

For quite some time I have been struggling with my self image.  Not who I am as a person (I feel quite good about that aspect of myself), but rather how I *look*.  I have been struggling with my weight and every time I look in the mirror I have felt so unattractive.  It has, at points, brought me to tears.  Despite my constant struggle (and almost-diligence lol) to eat healthy and exercise, I have not been able to lose the weight.  So I did what I figured was the only thing I *could* do: I turned it over to God.

At first I lost a few pounds, which was amazing to me, but the change was subtle at best.  In my eyes, I was still so very unattractive.  And after those first few pounds, I stopped losing weight! I was so confused.  I had turned it over to God, hadn't I? I was still eating healthy, and I was exercising every day... why wasn't I losing weight??

Then, this morning, there was a change in me: I looked in the mirror and, for the first time in **months**, I thought I looked truly sexy.  Not "I'm-wearing-makeup-so-of-course-I'm-beautiful" sexy, but actually *sexy*!  For the first time in I don't know how long, rather than seeing a pudgy stomach, I saw fantastic curves.  Rather than seeing a chest that I thought had been ruined by pregnancy, I saw beauty!  Rather than seeing huge, thick thighs, I saw shapely legs (and a great ass, if I do say so myself lol).  For the first time in what feels like **forever**, I saw **beauty** in my body.  I looked - and felt! - attractive!  And I hadn't even done my hair yet!

When I turned my situation over to God, I expected Him to help me lose weight, and then I was frustrated when it wasn't happening the way that I wanted it to!  But he had a different agenda; rather than changing the image the mirror saw, he changed how that image looked to *me*!  He gave me my self-esteem back, which I will take over losing weight ANY DAY!

This past year has been tumultuous and stressful, and the added stress of low self-esteem has certainly not helped that.  But it has also been one of the most fulfilling years of my life, and this seems to be the cherry on top.  So I declare THANK YOU!! Thank you, God, for changing ME!! For changing how I look, how I act, how I dress, what I want, what I need... Thank you for it ALL!! I know I still have light-years to go, but THANK YOU for being with me EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!!!