“Where the hell am I?” She glanced around the mall hallway in confusion. It had been years since she had been here, and it was obvious they had done some major remodeling. She spotted a map in the center of the corridor and hurried over to it. It didn’t take long to find the sporting goods store, and when she did she huffed. “I’m going the wrong way. Of course.” Irritated that her misdirection had made her late, she turned around and started walking again, careful to head the right way.
The closer she got to her destination, the more nervous she became. Her last first date seemed a lifetime behind her, and she had no idea what to expect. Especially being that she was a single mother, and that this would be their first real meeting.
Meeting someone from the internet was always a precarious thing, but then, this wasn’t just “someone from the internet”. It had only been a couple of short weeks – and even still only became more than platonic within the past several days – yet Dean seemed familiar somehow; as though she’d known him all her life.
Knock it off, Lauren, she reprimanded herself for what seemed like the hundredth time. It’s just a first date. You’re not falling in love, this isn’t fate; it’s just. a first. date. Just get where you’re going and take it easy. She inhaled, then exhaled slowly in an attempt to calm her nerves. Just then she rounded the corner and saw the sign to the sporting goods store where he was waiting somewhere inside.
So much for calm nerves.
Taking another deep breath, she straightened her shoulders and walked inside.
As she tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, she began searching the signs hanging from the ceiling throughout the store. He had told her he’d be in the golfing section, but she had no idea where that might be. She considered asking an employee for directions, but ignored the thought and instead started wandering down the aisles.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a mirror, and she paused for a moment to check her appearance. Blue eyes stared back at her, and she tried to ignore the nervousness behind them. Although she knew she was an attractive woman, tonight she had taken the time to apply makeup and straighten her hair, and she couldn’t help but admit to herself that she looked quite beautiful. She straightened her red blouse and brushed back that strand of brown hair that never liked to cooperate, then continued with her search.
The next corner she turned revealed a corner of the store filled with golfing clubs and an array of other golf equipment. Amidst the merchandise wandered a man with brown hair wearing a green t-shirt. Her heart skipped a beat and she had to focus on her strides so as to stop her pace from changing.
She was a few feet away from him when he looked up and saw her, and his face broke into a smile as he did. The butterflies intensified as she smiled back, threatening to overwhelm as she approached him. Anxiety bubbled to the surface then, as she tried to decide how best to greet him. Should I shake his hand? Hug him? Just stand there?
“Hi,” he said, opening his arms for a hug.
Oh good, he’s got this, she thought, relief flooding through her.
“Hi,” she said, returning the gesture.
She expected a short, formal hug, but this one wasn’t. Instead, he pulled her tightly against him and held her there for a moment, and she felt herself melt against him. He let go before too long, though, and she tried to ignore her disappointment.
“Sorry I’m late,” she said quickly. “Everything seems to have moved around on me.”
“That’s okay; this is kind of a random place to meet. I should have met you in the food court, or something. I just needed to pick up a late Christmas present for a friend, so I figured I’d do that since we’d be here.”
“Does your friend like golf?”
“We both do. I owe him a game, actually.” He started leading them toward the checkout line, recounting his version of golf – drinking beer and chasing down the ball with a golf cart – as they moved.
She was surprised at how easy it was to fall into small talk with him. Although she was still nervous, she listened eagerly to his stories, responding at length when the topic changed to something she knew more about. He listened just as intently as she spoke, and she found herself glancing to the floor quite often, his gaze making her feel uncharacteristically shy. Knock it off, she thought, forcing herself to meet his eyes.
At one point she let slip a curse word, and she glanced around nervously. “Sorry,” she said in apology, “I swear more than I probably should, and I forget that other people can hear me sometimes.”
He grinned. “That actually makes me feel better; I can be less worried if I slip up.”
“You don’t have to worry at all,” she laughed. “I used to live in a military town, and I kind of picked up the lingo. I try to avoid talking that way when I’m in public, or if my daughter’s with me, but when I’m with friends all bets are off.”
“Where Ashley tonight?” he asked, and she hesitated. Though she would always do what was in her daughter’s best interest, she couldn’t help being nervous that dating a single mom might be too much for him.
But he remembered her name, she reasoned. That’s a good sign.
“She’s with her dad,” she said out loud. “She’ll be there for a few more weeks, actually. He got Christmas and New Years with her this year.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, seeming to catch the tinge of sadness in her voice.
“It’s alright,” she said with a slight shrug. “It sucks, and I miss her, but I’ve kind of gotten used to it over the past three years.”
“She’s four, right?” She nodded, and he continued, “I love that age. Is it fun?”
A grin spread across her face. “So much fun. It’s hard, sometimes, but so worth it.”
“I’ve always wanted kids.” He seemed wistful as he said it, and she ached for him. “It never happened in either of my marriages. That’s probably a good thing, but I still would have liked to be a dad. I love kids,” he said with a smile, and when her hopes rose slightly she didn’t bother beating them back down.
“I can help you,” called the person from one of the three registers at the counter, and the pair moved forward.
After a short exchange with the cashier, they headed into the parking lot. “I’m over here,” he pointed to a line of cars just to their right. They hurried through the cold air and she cursed herself for not thinking to bring a jacket. In December. You’re a genius.
“This is me,” he said as they approached a black Mazda6.
“Wow, nice car,” she said appreciatively as she climbed into the passenger seat.
“Thanks,” he replied with a smile.
He pulled out of the parking lot and they talked for a minute about their first cars. She mentioned that she was currently without a vehicle, and he offered to take her to look at some when she was ready to buy one. She beamed and accepted, then blushed and looked away, hoping she didn’t seem too eager.
“By the way,” he said, oblivious to her inner struggle, “I know I said we were going to get Italian tonight, but I changed my mind, if that’s okay. Outback Steakhouse sounded better to me.”
Lauren nodded. “I love steak, so that works for me,” she said with a smile.
They continued making small talk for the duration of the drive, and by the time they walked inside the restaurant she was feeling much more at ease. As cliché as it sounded, she couldn’t help thinking they fit perfectly together.
They fell into a comfortable silence for the first time as they were waiting in the noisy lobby to be seated. She heard a small group of people chatting nearby, though the only thing that piqued her interest was hearing one of the friends mispronounce the word “salmon”.
“It’s salmon,” she muttered under her breath.
“What was that?” She looked up to find Dean staring at her. She blushed.
“I overheard someone calling it “sal-mon” just now. It’s “sa-mon”. It’s dumb, but it kind of bugs me when people get it wrong.”
He laughed. “I’ll have to remember that,” he said, and her blush deepened.
Suddenly she heard her ring tone, and fumbled for her purse. “Sorry,” she said, “I just always keep my phone on in case it has something to do with my daughter.”
“I understand, it’s okay.”
She found the phone and glanced at the number. “I’m so sorry,” she apologized again, “it’s Ashley’s dad. He wouldn’t call me unless it had something to do with her.” Dean nodded in understanding and she answered the phone.
A sad little voice on the end of the line said, “Mommy?”
“Hey baby,” Lauren said. “It’s Ashley,” she mouthed to Dean.
“Mommy, I miss you.”
Lauren frowned as she felt her heart break a little. “Oh, baby girl, I miss you too.”
“I want to be with you,” the four year old said, and Lauren felt a familiar bittersweet sting. Just then Damon slipped his fingers through hers, and she looked up in surprise. She squeezed his hand gently, conveying her thanks for the supportive gesture.
“I want to be with you too, sweetie. How about I ask your dad if you can spend the night with me next week and visit with Grandma and Grandpa, too? Would that be good?”
“Yeah, that would be good,” came the sad reply.
“What can I do to cheer you up, honey?” Lauren asked, eager to ease the sadness she knew filled her daughter’s heart.
They spent the next several minutes on the phone, only hanging up once she said she was feeling better. Still Lauren felt a twinge of guilt that her daughter even needed to go through that pain.
“I needed to take that,” she said, turning her attention back to her date.
Dean smiled kindly. “I figured. She seems to really miss you.”
“She does,” she said with a nod. “I miss her, too. She shouldn’t have to go through this.”
“You’re a good mom,” Dean said. She smiled, sincerely warmed by his words.
“Dean?” called the restaurant hostess, and they rose to meet her.
Once seated and their entrées chosen, their attention turned back to each other as they waited on their server.
“So how long have you wanted kids?” Lauren asked.
“As long as I can remember,” Dean said emphatically. “I even took a Home Ec class in high school to help prepare myself. I’ve always wanted to be a dad.”
She smiled warmly. “And it doesn’t bother you that I’m a mom?”
He was already shaking his head before she had even finished her sentence. “Not at all,” he said quickly. “Like I said, I love kids. I love that you’re a mom.”
She smiled, then looked down as she felt her cheeks flush. Already he was more than she’d dared to hope, and now she found herself praying he’d continue being so wonderful.
It was then that the waitress arrived. A few minutes later she left, orders in hand, and they resumed their conversation, turning the subject toward more informational details about their lives and pasts.
They briefly talked about past relationships, but the topic quickly changed to more pleasant things. He told her a bit about his upbringing, also taking the time to ask about hers. They relayed their likes and dislikes concerning movies and shows, but spent much more time talking about books they each loved. Soon they were lost in conversation, and she was surprised when she realized she was nearly halfway through her dinner. When did this even get here? she wondered as she took another bite of steak.
“I love this bread,” he said as he cut into the second small loaf of the evening.
“Me too,” she replied. “I love bread; especially the crust.”
“Same here!” He seemed delighted by her response, and she smiled. “You know, not many people seem to think that, but I think the crust is the best part.”
“Oh, absolutely. There’s just more flavor.” It dawned on her that they were talking about bread just as excitedly as any other topic, and she giggled.
“What?” he asked.
“Oh, nothing. So tell me about what you do.”
“There’s not really much to tell. As you know, I’m a correctional officer. I work nights, though, so all I really do is sit at a computer all night and stay awake in case something happens.”
“Does anything ever happen?” she asked concernedly.
“Not usually. Every once in a while, but it doesn’t involve me very often.”
“Just be safe,” she said. I worry about you.
“What about you? I know you were a stay at home mom until recently. What’s your plan for the future?”
“Well,” she said slowly, “for now I’m staying with my parents until I can get my feet under me. I’ll probably end up taking some sort of night job so I can keep homeschooling, and Ashley can just sleep while I’m at work. My mom worries that I won’t find much in the way of work with just an Associate’s degree, so she wants me to go back to school. Which I’d really love to do, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like time with my daughter is more important. Besides, the type of schooling I want for a career wouldn’t be paid for by a Pell Grant.”
“What is it that you want to do?”
“I want to be a midwife,” she said with a smile. “Birth is kind of my passion, and I think I’d be really good at it. If I can scrape up the money for doula training and certification, I’ll do that in the meantime, but midwifery is my ultimate goal.”
“Wow,” he said, not a touch of mockery in his voice. “That’s really cool. I bet you’d be great.”
She blushed. “Thank you,” she said demurely.
They talked more than they ate, and it had been nearly an hour and a half since getting their food before they finally finished. Once the tab was paid they stood and headed outside. As they walked he took her hand in a natural movement, and she marveled at how comfortable the gesture felt.
“So how much longer do I get you?” Dean asked as he started the car. Lauren shrugged.
“Well, Ashley’s with her dad, and I don’t exactly have a curfew. So however long you want me, I suppose.”
He opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it and shook his head before any sound came out. It seemed as though he was blushing, but it was nearly impossible to tell in the darkness of the car.
“If you don’t mind, we could go to the hardware store,” he said at last. “Not the best place for a date, I know, but there are a few things I’ve been meaning to grab.”
“Sure,” she said, not the slightest bit put out. Any time with him was good time, as far as she was concerned.
The hardware store was a short drive away, at least it seemed that way. She knew time was passing faster than she’d like, and already she dreaded going home.
As they pulled into the hardware store parking lot she spotted a blue Volkswagen bug. “I need to get a picture of that before we go inside,” she said.
His eyebrows furrowed at the comment. “Why?”
“A friend of mine collects them. Well, she collects pictures, anyway. When I see one I try to take a picture for her.”
“That’s nice of you,” he said, and instead of simply parking he pulled up close so that she could snap a picture.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile. He nodded, then pulled into a parking space.
The hardware store was brightly lit, and there were more people there than she had been expecting. The shelves were filled with various items, most of which she did not recognize, but Dean seemed to know exactly where he was going and she fell behind him as he walked.
“Oh hey,” she said, pointing to a large box with two holes that she assumed were meant for arms to reach through. “It looks like one of those incubation boxes they put premies in.”
He grinned at her observation. “That’s called a sand blaster,” he said. “I have one at home.”
“You have one of these?” He nodded. “What do you use it for?”
“Sanding some of my bigger projects.”
She flushed. For sanding. Duh. Good job, Lauren.
He found what he needed within minutes, and she considered him as they made their way to the checkout line. From previous conversations she had deduced that he was quite the handyman, a fact which had slightly surprised her at first; he was so intelligent – knowing quite a bit about science, history, and much more – that she hadn’t expected him to be interested in things like carpentry and mechanics. He’s quite the diverse individual, she thought admirably as they stepped up to the cash register.
The woman behind the counter was friendly and outspoken as she rang up Dean’s purchase. Perhaps a bit too friendly, as her attention stayed exclusively on the handsome man she was attending, ignoring Ashley completely.
Dean’s responses were polite, perhaps even a bit flirty, but Ashley didn’t mind; his hand reaching for hers was enough to reassure her that his intentions toward her were sincere. That’s right, she found herself thinking as a smug smile touched her lips, you can look, but he’s with me. She considered putting her arm around his waist, but decided that might seem a bit to possessive for a first date.
“She was flirting with you,” she said as they left the store. He glanced at her and she smiled to let him know she didn’t feel threatened.
“She was, wasn’t she?”
“You were flirting back,” she said with a snicker.
“Was I?” She nodded. “I might have been. I wasn’t real flirting, though, but I do get a bit flirtatious sometimes.”
“I’m not jealous,” she reassured him. “I do the same thing. I don’t mean to, it just happens. It never means anything, though.”
He nodded, smiling. “Same here.”
They reached the car and she hurried inside, eager to get out of the cold. He started the engine and turned up the heater. “The nice thing about this car is that it heats up fast,” he told her.
“I noticed that. I’m very grateful. I should have known long sleeves wouldn’t cut it in negative degree weather.”
He laughed. “I noticed that, but I wasn’t going to say anything.”
“So now what?” he said after a moment of silence. “I’m not ready to take you home yet.”
I’m not ready to go home, she thought, but out loud she said, “There’s a Starbucks in the Barnes and Noble back on University. We could go get a coffee, or just walk around and look at books?”
“Sounds like a plan,” he said, then put the car in gear and drove them back the way they had come.
The bookstore was warm and inviting, and Lauren smiled at the familiar aroma of coffee and parchment. “I love the smell of books,” she said as they wandered into the aisles.
“Me too,” he agreed.
“Did you know there’s actually a reason they smell like that? It has something to do with what happens when the paper ages. I don’t remember, exactly.” She glanced at him as she spoke, then blushed and turned away again as he grinned at her.
As they meandered, the topic of books arose again. She discovered he preferred science fiction, and she replied that she was more into epic fantasy and romance. When he asked her who her favorite author was, she was quick to respond.
“R.A. Salvatore, easily.”
“What does he write?”
She beamed as she described the world of the Dark Elves Salvatore so vividly described, and recounted for him some of her favorite stories. “My favorite book by him is probably Homeland,” she said. “It’s not the first in the series, technically, but it is the first chronologically. I prefer to read them in the order they happened, not necessarily the order they were written.”
“I usually prefer reading in the order written,” he said, “though there are definitely some that you’re better off reading in chronological order.”
“The Legend of Drizzt series is that way,” she insisted. “If you read them, you have to start with Homeland.”
“Okay, I’ll remember that. Do you think they’re here?”
She beamed at his apparent interest, then guided him to the epic fantasy section. It took less than a minute for her to locate the shelves containing Salvatore’s work, and when she handed him the book she did so with mock reverence.
“This,” she said in exaggerated admiration, “is the best book in the world. Treat it kindly.”
He laughed at her display, and she smiled widely. “I will,” he said, joining in her act. “Come on, let’s find the register.”
“You’re going to buy it?” she asked, surprised.
“Yeah, if it’s that good,” he said with a grin. “I’ll probably end up reading it on my computer, but I like having a hard copy at home.”
She beamed again, pleased that her recommendation had meant enough for him to follow through.
They chatted while in line, mostly over silly things that she barely paid attention to; she was just happy to be talking to him. At one point she stopped to fawn over an adult coloring book, and he laughed. Not a cruel laugh, but one that said he admired her enthusiasm, even for silly things. Rather than feeling stupid for getting excited, his apparent affection filled her with a warmth she had seldom felt before.
Book and receipt in hand, they decided to sit in the café to visit a while. She sat down at a table with two chairs, but rather than sitting across from her, he moved the second chair so they could sit side by side. She blushed as he took her hand again, but this time didn’t drop her gaze.
The minutes became an hour, and an hour became two, but neither noticed the time slipping away. More than once she found herself lost in his eyes, wondering what it would be like to kiss him. She never found the courage, though, and he never kissed her. Maybe later, she thought, when we say goodnight, or something. She could hope, at least.
“You know,” he said slowly, breaking into her thoughts, “I didn’t expect tonight to go this well.”
“No?”
“No, not at all. I kept thinking that we got along so well, and your pictures were so pretty… there had to be a catch, right?”
She giggled. “No catch, I’m just me.”
He smiled. “Well, you’re pretty amazing.”
“You are, too,” she said, her cheeks burning as their eyes locked.
Why won’t he kiss me? she thought in exasperation. You could just kiss him, she found herself replying to her own question. The very thought made her balk, though, and she almost laughed at her own nervousness.
Just then a woman’s voice came over the intercom, announcing that the store would be closing in ten minutes. “I suppose we should go, then?” Dean suggested. Lauren nodded and they rose to their feet. This time it was she who slipped her arm through his as they walked; she wanted to be closer than simply holding hands could afford.
The car took longer to warm up than it had before, but she was too busy looking at the man beside her to notice. He offered her a piece of cinnamon gum and she graciously accepted, thankful to have something to freshen her breath. Hopefully it won’t be too offensive when he kisses me. Well, if he kisses me…
They sat in the car for nearly another hour, simply enjoying each other’s company and the conversation that had scarcely paused since first meeting earlier that evening. All too soon, she looked at the clock on the dashboard and realized it was already past eleven o’ clock.
She sighed. “I hate to say it, but-”
“You need to go home,” he finished for her. She nodded, surprised at how sad the thought made her.
“It is getting pretty late, and I’ve got a long drive still. I hate to have you go, though.”
A smile spread across her face at his words. Perhaps he had enjoyed tonight as much as she had. Perhaps there would be a second date. Perhaps…
She shook herself mentally. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
The drive to her parents’ house was already short, but it seemed much shorter knowing it meant the end to their night. Their fingers were entwined, and she dreaded having to release her grip on his hand. You’re being silly, she thought, even as sadness welled up inside her.
All too soon they reached her parents’ street, and her heart dropped further in her chest. She pointed out which house was theirs, and he slowed as he approached it. She quickly swallowed her gum… just in case.
“I’m going to park here, so no one can see us,” he said, pulling up to the sidewalk in front of the neighbor’s house, then he turned to her and said, “because I plan on kissing you.”
She smiled, perhaps too widely, then managed a simple, “Okay.”
He put the car in park and they both unbuckled their seatbelts before turning back to each other. Although she knew it was coming, that didn’t stop her heart from pounding in her chest as he leaned forward.
The palm of his hand found the back of her neck, and she nearly sighed as his lips met hers.
It was a soft, slow kiss, filled with all sorts of emotion; not for the first time, she felt herself falling in love with him. Their lips moved in a slow, sensual dance that caused her butterflies to go berserk. His gentle touch became slightly more persistent, and passion ignited their kiss. Suddenly she found her hands gripping at his collar, and she kissed him as she’d never kissed anyone before.
An eternity later, but still too soon, their lips parted, leaving them both slightly breathless. When she pulled back she saw him staring at her with wide eyes, and she guessed she wore a similar expression.
“That was…” she started, unable to find the right word.
“Amazing,” he offered. She could only nod.
“I really hate to go,” she said, her hands still gripping his clothes.
“I don’t want you to.”
“Am I going to see you again?”
“Of course,” he said, wearing a look that said he was shocked she’d even ask that question.
She smiled. “Good.” She leaned forward then, grazing her lips against his in another long, slow kiss, before finally releasing him. “I’ll see you later,” she said as she stepped out of the car, feeling fully confident for the first time that night.
The car door shut and she waved through the window before turning toward the house. As she walked inside she considered the intense emotions she had felt over the course of the night. For the first time in a long time, she actually looked forward to what the future might hold.
