Apologies and Reassurances

When I went to Utah, I went to spend time with friends and family. However, there was one person I wanted to see and talk to that I wasn't able to. Our conversation would not have been one of pleasantries... no, it would have been one of apologies on my end, and I don't even know what her end would have been like... unfortunately, I lost her number a while back and I have no idea what her email is. I found a number for her when I returned home, but it may be an old number... I don't know...

What I wanted to say was... I'm sorry. I am SO sorry for hurting her. For betraying her the way that I did. I understand the reason she decided to cut contact with me, and I agree it was in her and her little family's best interest. That fact breaks my heart, because she was one of my dearest friends... and I still love her dearly.

I have been reading the book Fifty Shades of Grey, and its sequel Fifty Shades Darker. It's a very good series, but there is a most intriguing character named Elena Lincoln in it... In the book, the main character, Ana (how fitting...), is dating the multi-billionaire Christian Grey. Well, she is constantly worried about this Elena Lincoln, because they once had a sexual relationship and she's certain that Elena is still interested, though Christian is obviously not. In the end, she turns out to be correct; Elena certainly is interested in Christian. Believe me, the irony is not lost on me...

But I would like to assure this friend, I am no Elena Lincoln. I may have done some things of which I am not proud in my past, but it is exactly that: past. I am not interested in any way, shape, or form, in your man, and even if I was I believe he's too enamored with you to even notice. :-) You are in no danger from me, my old friend, and I hope you know that. Never would I ever interfere with your family. What's yours is yours. Period.

Furthermore, I have my own love. One whom I love with all of my heart, with a passion and reverence I never thought I'd have... Rest assured, even if I did not have him I still would not come after yours, but I do have him, and he is my everything. That fact alone should give you peace.

Although you may never forgive me, I hope you know without a doubt in your mind that I am sorry. For everything. But more than that, I pray you'll feel secure in your relationship and never feel as though I want to take what is yours. Because I don't. You deserve far, far better than that from me.