December 31st, 2012… New Year’s Eve…
It’s hard to believe an entire year has gone by once more… 2012 has been one of the most hectic, traumatizing, emotionally disabling, heartbreaking years of my life. …It has also been one of the most joyful, wonderful, beautiful, dazzling, healing, and soul-warming years of my life, as well. Probably the most, actually.
This past year, I have broken many hearts. I have caused many tears. I have had my own heart broken and cried many, many tears of my own. I have made so many changes, and they have both made my life very difficult, and fulfilled it in ways I never knew they could: leaving the Mormon Church, embracing Jesus Christ on a whole new level, having my first drink of alcohol, getting drunk (completely by accident after three glasses of .06 vol wine, which I can assure myself and everyone around me will never happen again) and having my first and only hangover –ugh, leaving X, meeting and falling head-over-heels in love with J, praying to God to help my daughter and I have a better relationship and crying with joy when it happened, feeling God’s love for me in a way I never thought I would… so many decisions, which have impacted me for worse… and most certainly for better.
If I could go back and redo any of it, I actually would. I would try harder to keep things between X and I civil, so we could at least have face-to-face conversations without hurt feelings; I would try to mend the bridge between my biological mother and I, so we could have at least somewhat of a relationship. I certainly would not have been unfaithful to X, though I know in my heart I still would have left. Yes, I would do things differently, but I cannot, so I won’t dwell.
Instead, I will thank God for the lessons learned, the bridges forged, the new paths taken. I will thank God for all of the blessings He sent into my life this year, and beg that they will continue, and that I will be worthy of them. I will thank God for the relationships I do have, and ask Him to help me be patient while the relationships I lost mend. Over all, I will thank God… just to thank Him.
Happy New Year, everyone. I hope that the year of 2013 is as good to you as the year of 2012 was to me… and I hope that, even though there were hard times this past year, you can see the value of them as you look back today.
It’s hard to believe an entire year has gone by once more… 2012 has been one of the most hectic, traumatizing, emotionally disabling, heartbreaking years of my life. …It has also been one of the most joyful, wonderful, beautiful, dazzling, healing, and soul-warming years of my life, as well. Probably the most, actually.
This past year, I have broken many hearts. I have caused many tears. I have had my own heart broken and cried many, many tears of my own. I have made so many changes, and they have both made my life very difficult, and fulfilled it in ways I never knew they could: leaving the Mormon Church, embracing Jesus Christ on a whole new level, having my first drink of alcohol, getting drunk (completely by accident after three glasses of .06 vol wine, which I can assure myself and everyone around me will never happen again) and having my first and only hangover –ugh, leaving X, meeting and falling head-over-heels in love with J, praying to God to help my daughter and I have a better relationship and crying with joy when it happened, feeling God’s love for me in a way I never thought I would… so many decisions, which have impacted me for worse… and most certainly for better.
If I could go back and redo any of it, I actually would. I would try harder to keep things between X and I civil, so we could at least have face-to-face conversations without hurt feelings; I would try to mend the bridge between my biological mother and I, so we could have at least somewhat of a relationship. I certainly would not have been unfaithful to X, though I know in my heart I still would have left. Yes, I would do things differently, but I cannot, so I won’t dwell.
Instead, I will thank God for the lessons learned, the bridges forged, the new paths taken. I will thank God for all of the blessings He sent into my life this year, and beg that they will continue, and that I will be worthy of them. I will thank God for the relationships I do have, and ask Him to help me be patient while the relationships I lost mend. Over all, I will thank God… just to thank Him.
Happy New Year, everyone. I hope that the year of 2013 is as good to you as the year of 2012 was to me… and I hope that, even though there were hard times this past year, you can see the value of them as you look back today.
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