My name is Journy (legally Amber Burton), and this letter is being written because some very serious concerns have made themselves apparent.
As you may have garnered from the first line of this letter, I do not live a “traditionally normal” life. What I mean by this is that the paths I take in life are dictated very much by a personal moral code and intuition that I truly believe come from my Source Creator - the term “God” has a lot of preconceptions, but you could call it that - regardless of how society may view them. These include (but certainly are not limited to) being true to myself rather than conforming to a societal standard of ‘normal’; helping people who need it whenever I feel called or am in a position to do so; being honest and true in all of doings; and being a good, patient, and loving mother to my children.
It is for my children, and for all children in Utah, that this is being written.
My daughter currently resides in Utah with her biological father. Up until last year, she lived with me. Last summer, during her visit with said father, my husband and I took the opportunity to travel state-to-state in search of where we wanted to live. I wasn’t sure how long that would take, so I called my daughter’s father to offer him an extended visit in order to ensure that I had time to secure a safe roof over her head for when she returned. I was not in any legal trouble, I had done nothing wrong, and I knew that I could likely secure safe housing before his regular visit had ended. Nevertheless, I needed to ensure that stability for her sake.
Just as I had suspected, we were in a 3bedroom house before the summer had ended. Still, I had offered him until the end of October in part so he could have Halloween with her, something he had never had, and - being a woman of my word - I felt compelled to let her stay until then.
At the end of October, before I even bought the plane tickets, I did something that I felt drawn to do through heartfelt prayer and meditation: I offered him 50% custody. I didn’t necessarily want to, but when my Creator speaks, I listen. To my surprise, he said he would have to think about it. I found that odd, but didn’t dwell on it and the tickets were purchased to go and get her.
The day after I told him I had the tickets, I got served; he was suing me for full custody. What’s more, he served me with a restraining order, citing my recent travels as reason to believe I was a flight risk, as well as many other untrue or misconstrued ‘details’ to make the courts believe I was an unfit mother and threat to my own child.
I now had $700 plane tickets that would do me no good, a court case and restraining order that I had to pay additional money to travel to, and no money for an attorney. I tried to get legal help from Utah, but because I do not live in the state I was not qualified for truly affordable help (the “help” that I did qualify for cost nearly as much as the lawyer I recently hired).
Heartbroken, angry, and out of options, I prayed.... and I was told to settle. I would have stayed in Utah while we somehow scraped up the money for an attorney, but as I said before, when my Creator speaks, I listen.
In the settlement I agreed to joint legal custody, with the father having physical custody. Due to their demands, and my lack of legal advice or protection, the agreement stated I could have parent-time in Utah, but had to prove my stability (living in the same place for 6 months; a steady household income; etc) in order to take her to my home out of state.
Now, nearly a year later, I have an attorney. We recently went to court to prove my stability, but my daughter’s father contested, stating again that I was a flight risk and claiming that I was very likely to disappear with my daughter as I had “withheld” her before (seven years ago, during our divorce, his Commanding Officers had placed on him a restraining order and told him he needed a fellow marine with him during visits with our daughter. For a few months I will admit I did take advantage of that due to the state of his house and my own fears, allowing him to come and visit but not take her - which he did not do until I came to his apartment and begged him to do so. However my morals got the best of me and I did let him take her for weekend visits even before that restraining order was lifted). My attorney fell through there, I realize, as I should have had the chance to disclose my side of the story prior to the hearing, but was not informed that it was being contested.
Apparently that doesn’t matter, though, as I have been told that it is “Utah policy” that the out-of-state parent endure a “three month trial period” before the courts agree to an out-of-state schedule for contested parents. For this trial period, I was given one week of out-of-state parent time... and I only asked for three.
So much about this case is unacceptable. And I know mine is not the only one.
It is unacceptable that parents who cannot afford the exorbitant prices that attorneys charge, but may not qualify for legal aid, are forced to give away their rights or are looked down on by the judge or commissioner for showing up without representation - especially if said parent(s) choose to live a non-traditional lifestyle that poses no real threat to the child’s well-being.
It is unacceptable that a third party listen to the parents’ accounts for a few hours, then think they could possibly know the full story well enough to make a potentially life-altering decision about where that child should live, regardless of what ‘evidence’ may have been presented.
It is unacceptable that it is policy that parents involved in contested cases be treated worse than criminals, needing to prove their innocence, in order to take their child to their home.
I’m not asking for help - “God is a great defense attorney”, and I know my Creator has my and my child’s back. What will BE will BE, and I trust even today the guidance I have received.
What I am asking for is that someone start looking into this. I don’t know what the answers are. All I know is that the current way of doing things is, well.... unacceptable.
Many thanks and blessings,
Journy
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