Love

So remember how I blogged not too long ago about how I know I'm in love with J, but sadly I haven't been able to tell him because of his 'guidelines'?  Well... :-3

Okay, so the day I got back from my visit to see my family (which was AWESOME, by the way :) I spent a lot of time with my family, including my soul sister, C, and w/some amazing friends, and I got my tattoo!!) I was SOOO excited to see J!  Due to some rather odd circumstances - which turned out to be very funny, actually - I was home for several hours before he came over.  But when he did, I was THRILLED to see him!  He brought with him a present for me for my birthday: 3 boxes of puzzles, a very yummy-smelling candle, and a card which absolutely melted my heart :-3  It said, "I am forever blessed by having you in my life.  I can't even begin to tell you how happy you make me feel.  So my wish for you on your birthday is that God blesses you tenfold for the blessings you gave me."  Talk about sweet!

After that we hung out, talked, watched some Castle (a hilariously captivating TV series) and just spent time together.  At one point I was looking at him, and the urge to blurt out "I love you!" was suddenly almost overwhelming...

I didn't, though.  Instead I said, "I have to tell you something, and I just need you to listen for a minute."  He agreed, and so I began.  At first I was kind of going on and on, and I didn't make much sense even to myself.  I said that I needed to tell him something, even if it meant that he didn't say it back, because if anything happened and I hadn't told him I'd regret it for the rest of my life.  Finally I said it... those three words I'd been dying to say for nearly two months now...  "I love you."

I kissed him then, and as soon as the kiss ended he said, "I love you, too."  I could've died of happiness.  I'm not sure exactly what I said after that, but I was so happy!  I do remember asking him if he meant it (I probably just said, "Really?") and he answered affirmatively.  I was amazed.  It was one of the happiest moments of my life, second only to the moment my sweet angel of a daughter came into this world.  :-)

We talked for a while after that, and come to find out, he has wanted to say it just as long as I have!  Apparently he was going to several times because he thought I was going to, but when I didn't he never did.  That totally surprised me because of his guidelines.  He also told me that he was surprised at how soon he realized he loved me (we'd only been dating 2 months at that point, after all), but that it felt right, and that's what mattered to him.  That made me very happy, too.  :-)

The best part, to me, is that J truly loves K, too.  He acknowledges and completely accepts that he is not her father, and that I will not let her call him 'Daddy' until she is old enough to decide for herself and knows what that word means (at that point the decision is hers alone to make, whether she will or won't).  But even knowing that, he loves her very much and already thinks of things in her future.  To me that is the very best part.

I am so happy, and I am so blessed.  Even though I've done many stupid things in my life, the Lord loves me, and He has blessed me with a second chance with a man that I truly love.  My heart breaks for X, it really does, because I know that I've hurt him, but I am so happy with J and I cannot give that up.  I will not.  I am so grateful to God for all of my blessings.  :-) I only hope I can continue to do whatever it was that I did to deserve them.