Both Sides

It has come to my attention that my *dear* mother has posted a very interesting post on Facebook accusing me of many things, one of those things being that I don’t give both sides of the story.  Alright, you want both sides? (although I fail to see how I’ve neglected it, but okay) here you go.  I’m reposting the post word-for-word, but I’ve added my own little commentary.  But before I start, I just have to say thank you! I literally got a good 20 minute laugh reading all of this.  It’s far too amusing for me to find offensive. J (My comments will be bold and in parenthesis J)

Written by my mother, Cheryl Smith:

So....I have pretty much withdrawn from the world wide web because I am sick of all the BS that is apparently floating around about me due to my eldest daughter, Amber, and all the crap she is apparently spreading. I was recently informed by someone who has access to her page that she is saying a lot of really nasty things about me and I have absolutely *NO* way to defend myself, my name or get any say in whatever it is she is saying about me.  (Hahaha wow really?? WHEN do I talk about you? EVER?? In fact, I haven't mentioned you in a post for MONTHS [I just checked] Except to say I’m hurt because of something YOU did. Like, oh I don’t know, making a HUGE fuss about me then saying something along the lines of “so much for a good birthday; I’m crying my eyes out” when it was MY birthday?? Wow…) I am told she has a pretty captive audience and that if she had any ratings, like a TV audience, she'd be off the charts with the way people respond and show support. (It’s very true that my true friends have made themselves known, but they’re also very good – thankfully so – at telling me when they think I’m wrong, and I try my best to listen) I have no voice, yet she's got a captive audience....how does this work exactly?? Like father like daughter, right? (Leave my father out of this.  Your qualm is with me.)

Then I got to thinking...I have this little box right here and I am going to type into it. I have a voice and I'm going to use it right now.......and then.......that's all I'm going to say on the matter. Take what you will from it, believe what you want and then, if you're on my friends list, delete me for all I care. Really- I don't. But pick a side already and quit this neutrality bullshit. (Yes, I cuss. Get over it.)  (Honestly, WHY does anyone need to pick a side?? If someone was a friend to Alex and I before the split, why on EARTH can’t they support both of us?? I don’t think anyone should pick me over Alex.  In fact, I hope they DON’T, because he needs support too!  It saddens me that my own mother decided she had to pick sides, but I hope that my friends don’t feel like they have to) (Oh, and so you can cuss and do whatever else and heaven forbid anyone judge you, yet YOU get to judge ME?? Nice.  When I get to be your age, do I get that privilege too??)

I've been told that Amber uses "Jesus" as her forum....that she uses the name of God to spew her venom of hate, hypocrisy and lies about me and Alex. Question: How many WARS have been started under the same umbrella, exactly?? Does anyone else see the problem with forgiving but not forgetting? Does anyone else see the problem with using Christianity as a scape goat for doing whatever we want? "It's ok if I sleep around, Jesus loves me for who I am." If I'm not mistaken, Jesus doesn't excuse sin....he can't, actually. (First off, I think it is utterly and completely WRONG for ANYONE to use Christ’s name to spew anything that isn’t Godly.  If I have done so, please point out examples and I will do my very best to alter my behavior.  Second, if and when I invoke God’s name it is to either a, praise Him, b, explain how H'es helped me realize some shortcoming of my own, or c, tell of the most recent way He has taught me something.  Third, you’re right, Jesus doesn’t excuse sin.  But He *does* forgive it.  I’m not saying that gives us a ‘do whatever you want and get out of jail free’ card, but it does give those of us who aren’t perfect some hope when it comes to whether or not we’ll be able to make it home to Him.)

How about lying? Does God justify lying? The person I recently spoke to said she mentioned trying to protect Keira and that's the excuse she is using ONLINE to justify Alex not seeing Keira yet she has told Alex that if he does not give her COMPLETE custody of Keira HE IS NOT ALLOWED ANY FURTHER CONTACT WITH HIS OWN CHILD.  Sound familiar?? I'm curious....isn't that illegal? And how exactly is she protecting Keira? How exactly is that justifiable? Wouldn't she need to procure a restraining order? Why yes...yes she would. I'm Keira's grandma, don't you think if *I* believed Alex were a danger *I* would be the FIRST to be on this bandwagon?? Doesn't anyone ELSE think this is a load of CONTROL ISSUES GONE AWRY?? (Bull shit.  Flat out bull shit.  He *is* allowed contact with our daughter.  I have told him that he is welcome to visit with her here any time he wants.  He simply will not be taking her with him again until we have a signed and filed separation and custody agreement, to protect myself, Keira, *and* Alex believe it or not.  As for illegal, you wish.  Until we have that separation agreement, I am under NO legal obligation to even let him see her at all, and yet I am if he chooses to come to the door for a visit.  I have very valid reasons why I am doing what I’m doing, and if anyone wants to ask me I will tell them.  I will not, however, say exactly what my reasons are on the web, simply because I don’t want to sully his name.)

OK, so....I supposedly gossip about Amber and say ugly things about her. Question number 1)When....EVER...aside from the ONE AND ONLY TIME...ON ALEX'S FACEBOOK PAGE...HAVE I EVER DONE THIS??? When has ANYONE heard/seen me talk about Amber on my OWN Facebook page? Please, by ALL means...TELL ME....when have you seen me gossip about AMBER?? (Was that one time not enough?? Were all of the LIES you told about me on Alex’s page not enough??? Though yes, there have been plenty more times.  Like, say, all the ‘fun’ times you’ve commented on my blog.) 2) Who would I gossip *to* about Amber? NO ONE IN MY WARD (church) GIVES A DAMN ABOUT AMBER EIDEM. NO ONE. No one gives a RATS ASS (literally) about the BULLSHIT that child has done to ANYONE. Amber's life does NOT revolve around ANY of us so why would it be a topic of EMBARRASSINGconversation??? And as far as gossiping to any of Amber's family....the ONLY people I have spoken to about what Amber has done was her Aunt Jill when this whole thing first happened to WARN her that I WORRIED Amanda may get HURT with all the LIES Amber was telling....because NO ONE knew what was TRUTH and what was NOT (Hahahaha, your version of the truth is GREATLY skewed.  Like for example, no, I don’t go out and party.  In fact, I believe the last party – besides church events – I’ve ever been to was a supervised Halloween party when I was 14.  And no, I didn’t ‘confide’ in you that I’d ‘been drinking’.  I didn’t ‘confide’ in you at all [Though if I did *confide* in you, like you'd said, you did a GREAT job being a confidant].  I *told* you that I’d had *a* sip of *a* drink.  Just like I’m *telling* you now that I have since had a grand total of 3 drinks, each of which I had *after* my 21^st birthday, and Keira was NOWHERE near me, and even if she were, what business is it of yours??  I’m nowhere near an alcoholic, I have no desire whatsoever to go out and get drunk, do drugs, or anything else, so what exactly is the problem here??). I haven't spoken with Jill SINCE THEN. And I have JUST RECENTLY (as of Sunday) spoken to Christa for the FIRST TIME since her visit out here in June! And even then I made it VERY clear that I **WILL NOT** discuss AMBER with ANYONE unless they WANT to get their FACES RIPPED OFF. (So what’s this, then?)

Have I spoken the truth? You bet! Have I told it like it is?! I always do! (No, you definitely don’t.  But thanks for playin’.) Would I say it to your face? If opportunity presents itself, I'll gladly tell you what's up! But gossip?? Never. Spew lies?? About what?? The truth WILDER than fiction!!

The rule in the house is that Amber's name is NOT to be uttered. AMBER IS DEAD. Period. We don't speak her name. There are no pictures of her on my wall. She does not exist.

So how am I going to talk about someone that is dead to me? WHY would I talk about someone who is dead to me??    (Okay, so if I’m so dead, any on EARTH did you bother writing this?? Or better yet, why on EARTH do you take the time to look up my blog and post ‘anonymously’? Or keep tabs on what I am doing?  Or – and this is my favorite – get into my email account and start deleting everything in the account?? And yes, I know it was you, because the IP address of the ‘other logged in party’ was in ALABAMA.  That’s a pretty weird obsession with someone who’s dead.  In fact, I think they have a word for it: necrophilia.)

Amber took away my granddaughter because she ASSUMED...because she was CONSUMED with GUILT...that I was "out to get her".... I didn't need a confession from you STUPID! YOU ALREADY TOLD ME YOU CHEATED ON ALEX!! Why would I NEED you to CONFESS!! I just wanted to Understand WHY! I wanted to know what *I* could've done to PREVENT IT! What could *I* have done to have been THERE FOR YOU! What could *I* have done to be a BETTER PARENT! What could *I* have done to be a better FRIEND?! But NOOoooooooo you want to be a CUNT and take my grandchild away from me??? (Your exact question [And I quote] was “Did you really commit adultery, and was it because of my own example as a mother?”  Harmless enough, right?  Well, I thought so too at first.  But I called Alex that night and asked him if he’d heard from you lately, at all, or if he had any idea why you might be asking that question since – as you said  - I had already TOLD you I hadn’t been faithful [again, not that that’s any of your business], so *why* would you be asking "did you" instead of "why did"?? His answer was no, and yet funnily enough, the phone records show that he had been on the phone w/you for a good hour up until I called, and then for another good long while *after* he and I hung up!  He later told me that yes, you had been asking about my affair.  And on top of that, he had forwarded you an email from my personal email account between me and the man I had – regrettably – been unfaithful with the DAY before you emailed me.  That’s a pretty funky coincidence, don’t you think??)

That's cool. Talk shit.......

At least now you and your little Maury lovin' friends know where I stand......... (I think everyone knew where you stood when you called me a whore on Facebook.)

Oh and.....some of you might wanna be careful. I always keep the email's you send me and I'm dangerous when I've been provoked.......

That goes for you too, Camron. (Okay, so first you say you want people to take sides, right? Well, thanks for making it *perfectly* clear that if it’s not *your* side you’re going to try to make their lives a living Hell.  Well guess what, I’m not scared of someone who’s obviously so backed into a corner that they’re threatening blackmail to anyone who dares take my side. )

Now, as I said.....this is all I'm going to say on the matter. I'm not about to trying and explain or justify myself to a group of pathetic 20-something year olds who see **ONLY ONE** side of a story and think they have **ALL** the answers. You see what AMBER WANTS you to see and NOTHING MORE. You have YET to see ALEX's side because he's QUIET and he keeps to himself. There is AN ENORMOUS amount he doesn't share because frankly it's between HIM AND AMBER and he doesn't figure it's any of your damn business.  It wasn't BEFORE he got married and IT'S NOT NOW. (Maybe Alex himself hasn’t spread many, MANY things that were private between us, but he told *someone* who did.  So if that *someone* was you, Good job in ruining his reputation for keeping things private.  It’s not just me who thinks he can’t keep his mouth shut anymore.)  Keira IS bathed when she comes over and she DOES have clean clothes when she's with him.  (I’m sorry, were you there when I asked him “Did she have a bath this weekend?” and he answered with a resounding “no”? Or how about when he’d return her to me in the *same* clothes I’d documented her leaving in and they were filthy?  If you were there, that’s just plain creepy, but you’d clearly see that that is not always the case.  Do I think he’s a bad father? No.  But the bath and clothes thing was *very* true.  Granted, he’s done much better lately, and I’ve made sure to say so when people ask.) Amber didn't think he was dangerous BEFORE she was having afairs...How is he so dangerous ALL OF A SUDDEN??  Doesn't anybody else think it's nuts that she's got an answer for EVERYTHING she does that **YOU** wouldn't tolerate YOUR ex doing to YOU if it were YOUR kid?? (The only ones supporting me know why I’ve done the things I’ve done.  And again, they’re still good enough friends to tell me when they think I’ve crossed a line.)Yet Damn near every one of YOU are supporting HER?? How funny that Alex who WAS the night in shining armour is suddenly the BAD guy....he sure wasn't 6 months ago....a year ago....two years ago. (I don’t think Alex is – or ever was – a ‘bad guy’.  I think he’s a good man in a tight spot, and that he’s hurt and angry.  JUSTIFIABLY SO! I take full responsibility for that.  I do, however, think that he’s done some very wrong things, things that aren’t excused simply because  he’s hurting and angry.  However, I think that all-in-all, he’s better than that, and when his head clears he too will realize it.)

You fickle people absolutely amaze me. You remind me of the ones that screamed "CRUCIFY HIM!!!!" When Pilate Asked, "Him Or Barnabaus?"......Funny.....just prior to that they loved him. (And what does that say for you, mother?  Just before you found out about the split, you loved me.  Just before you found out I left the Mormon church, you at least tolerated me.  But suddenly I was a horrible human being.  And I’m talking about things FAR before your email and my response to it.  How are YOU any different?  Your logic astounds me.)

Hang in there Alex....I love ya, hon.

(Yes, Alex, hang in there.  I mean that w/no sarcasm.  I know things are hard, I know that you’re hurt and angry and it is completely my fault, and I am sorry.  But hang in there.  Please, I am begging you, stop lying to me and doing the things you are doing.  Work with me, like we had promised each other when this whole mess started.  What happened to keeping this between you and me as much as possible??  What happened to ‘I’d never take Keira away from her mother’?? You’re better than this, Alex.  We both know you are.  I still want to work with you.  I still want to share custody – though not 50/50 anymore, I’m sorry – but I do want to share custody, because you and K BOTH deserve to have a relationship with each other.  And regardless of whether you and I can ever be civil again, I’m not going to offer you any less than 1/3 the year, just like I told you in that voicemail. Please remember who you are and quit doing what everyone ELSE is telling you to do.  Start doing what you know to be right.

As for you, mother? Just stop.  The only one you're embarrassing is yourself.  The lies you've spread about me are now just getting to be amusing, so just quit.  And keep your qualms w/me.  I think it's just plain sad that a grown woman is resorting to involving OTHER people to get at the person she's pissed off at.  Well guess what, you can blackmail and threaten and spread nasty notes all day long.  You don't scare me.  You don't even intimidate me.  YOU told me grow a backbone.  Guess I just wasn't supposed to use it to stand up to you, huh?   Funny, isn't that the qualm you had w/YOUR dad once upon a time?)